Our hair is a classic underachiever. (Well, just mine. Lots of fellow Bostonistas have wildly successful, popular, fun hair.)
I know I should coax it to greatness, but I am (mostly) busy and generally distracted and also somewhat conflict-averse, so I usually overlook its mediocrity. My patience, however, expires around the holidays. So our December interaction tends to go something like this:
Me: Hey! Holiday parties! Let’s get ready!
Hair: Meh. How about we stay home and make faux-healthy macaroni and cheese and watch Britney: On the Record instead?
Me: Come on! We’ll have fun!
Hair: Not feeling it.
Me: You know what? I don’t ask for much. I don’t force you to change. No highlights. Not much random goop. I even bought the special no-snag hair ties after that stylist accused me of trying to murder you with the regular kind. So will you please do me this one favor and behave passably for a few hours?
Hair: But it’s so hard. And I’m just not naturally good at looking good. So let’s just stay here, and I’ll remain messily stuck on top of your head, and you can wear the college sweatpants with the hole in the ass, and we’ll both be happy.
Me: You are, hands down, the worst.
And then I drag it to the party, where it sulks and demands to be put up in an artless and non-voluminous ponytail.
But, according to SalonCapri owner Nick Penna, our relationship doesn’t have to be quite so dysfunctional. He recommends three low-maintenance, party-friendly looks.
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